Well, this has been an interesting week full of good stuff and not so good stuff, which has led to my weight being exactly the same. Bummer! I'm not to downhearted however as I have been very good at the beginning of the week and then went to Developmental Transactional Analysis conference where food and drink entered my diet in a different way. So considering I indulged, I'm still feeling good about continuing to lose weight.
Also, I did something new this week in going to a gym....TWICE. I generally hate gym's, full of fit people who like to preen and who are not embarrassed about getting in the pool, that's my negative view of them, my reality checking tells me of course they are fit, they are down the bloody gym all the time, and my self conscious part goes, "look they are all starring at me" as I lumber through the exercises at the pace of a lame mammoth. However, this was different, it is at a small community centre so it was not mainstream, there were only a couple of other in the gym so I did not feel like gym outcast as I do in other gyms and the instructor was very supportive and this all helped. The truth is when I'm there and my lungs and muscles feeling like they are about to burst from my body and I'm sweating enough to create a large pond. Truth is I actually enjoy it and more importantly the feeling that I'm doing my body some good. There is a feeling that I'm giving my body a jump start as I have been physically inept the last few years.
I stated in my first post that would also share my emotions on my journey and I would like to share with you how I got to this size and all the things that are P&$%ing me off with it.
The physical inept part is one element, I'm a person with a strong sense of adventure and I naturally like to explore and also do things differently. I have found that I due to my size those things get less and less as you physically cannot do them and you also then start to build up metal discounts about what you can do, so even if you might be able to do something you start saying "no I'm to big" or "I'm not fit enough". There are loads I'd like to do, like travel to places Parachute jump, get a motorbike again and not kill the shock absorber or my knees, take on a driving day in a sports car and fit in it and also general outdoor pursuits. Most importantly I would like to be more active with my daughter and play games with her with out being tired or physically in pain. This is one of the key drivers for me in losing weight and I have given my self permissions such as:
- You can be more active
- You can have fun with exercise
- You already have physical ability
- You can get fitter and feel better
- You can exercise at your own pace
By focusing on these permissions I ensure that I do not listen to the injunctions and discounting messages (messages that look for you to discount your ability) that try to drag me down and keep me in the place I have been for may years, messages such as:
- Don't be fit
- Don't be healthy
- Don't look after yourself
- You're incapable of of being sporty
- Sport is hard work (and not fun)
- Stay on the sofa (metaphorically, finding any excuse to not doing anything physical)
- You're crap at sport so don't bother
- Anything physical is hard work
Lets face it its these discounting messages and injunctions I have been listening to for bloody years about being physical. And rather than taking the approach of sticking two fingers up at them I understand why they have been there and there purpose and I respect that they have always, in the wrong way, tried to look after me by not putting me in situations of ridicule, shame and where I would be embarrassed. So, I'm now replacing them with my permissions and what I can do and what I will be as a result. To be fair its not as easy as just replacing the messages, yet they are the catalyst, I still have to change my behaviour and remind myself daily of my permissions and also, seek out positive messages and compliments for my new behaviours to replace the ones that used to keep me inactive. I also have to be real and dig in as those old injunctions and messages are powerful and this is a long haul change, however, every time I walk the dog, go to the gym, get on my exercise bike or do something of this ilk I diminish those outdated hooks trying to keep me where I am.
There are also other reasons for getting fitter, such as, feeling better, having more energy, being more spontaneous, better sex (yep thats right, better condition you're in the better it can be) especially with my sense of adventure!, not getting out of breath, shying way from talk of sports etc, being judged by others.
So a new chapter in terms of getting into shape through exercise which I'm moving into. For future blogs I will update what exercise I have participated in the past week.
My next blog will look at the permissions and emotional elements liking to being a overweight giant, as I missed my 5lb target I will go for the same loss this week.
Joe
Contact: lessmass@gmx.com
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